One of the things I value most in life is obsessio--I mean focus. I've always been the type of person that devotes himself fully to current interests. Swimming, biographies, the violin. Granted, there are certain pasttimes that I've retained long term such as running, girls, soccer, girls, and hopefully blogging. Oh, and, uh, girls. Mostly, though, I find something I like and think about NOTHING else for roughly 2-3 months. Then, I discover something new and it is as if my old interest never existed. Thus, one would think that it is relatively easy for me to give up an interest. This is where the obsess--dangit, I mean focus--comes in. You see, the way a normal¹ person's mind works is that when one is deprived of a necessity or a strong desire, one finds it incredibly impossible to think of anything else. Try going without food for 24 hours² and see what the majority of your time is spent thinking about. When one is severely deprived of something, relatively minor deprivations in other necessities or wants abscond from the mind. The 3 hours of sleep you got last night seems relatively unimportant if you haven't eaten in 24 hours. In fact, your captiousness for the desire disappears. After 24 hours without food, I'm pretty sure I'd eat almost anything (don't quote me on that). After my first year at an ivy league university, you'd be surprised at the girls I found cute when I came back to my hometown the following summer. I kid I kid.

Alright, alright, I suppose you want me to get to the point. You see, with me, this inability to think of anything else is amplified ten-fold. It doesn't even have to be a necessity. When I don't run for a day, I feel as if I haven't run in weeks. I imagine myself becoming incalculably fat and slow. No, I don't have a mental problem. At least, I don't think I have a mental problem (but I guess the problem, if it existed, would be in my thinking so this may be flawed). Rather, it is my focus that keeps me restless and anxious. If I was originally one month from giving up swimming, take it away for a week and I'd probably be doing it for at least another six months after. Now I'm not quite sure if this is good or bad. I guess it's both. Or maybe neither. Yes, one should open himself to experiences and try a lot of different things rather than focus on one. But perhaps this relentless focus is what makes me able to run or attend college in the first place. Ever met a marathon runner who wasn't completely engaged in his goal? Me either. This is how I see it: Someone who's good at everything is a likeable person. Someone who's great at one thing is a successful person. Either way, good or bad, what I noticed last year when I got a light pull in my hamstring, rendering me unable to run for the following couple days, is that I then wanted to run more than ever. Just when I felt that I couldn't find the drive to go for a 10-mile long run, my drive was rejuvenated. Though seeming contradictory, maybe my temporary injury could be the best thing that happened for my running in months. Only careful contemplation and experiences (or a great personal record) will tell. Maybe I should go break my leg?

Or maybe I'm just rationalizing so I don't think of myself as insane =)

1. I emphasize "normal person's mind" to acknowledge the existence of the odd, like my sister. :)

2. All liability will be assumed by reader